


Heather

by uwusunflower



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Hate to Love, Highschool AU, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian AU, a lot of tomfoolery, but happy-ish ending?, um...kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwusunflower/pseuds/uwusunflower
Summary: No matter how hard she tried, how many all nighters she pulled studying, or trying to push herself out of her shell to be more sociable, she’d never be good enough for Jan. She’d never be like Jan.
Relationships: Jackie Cox/Jan Sport
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	Heather

**Author's Note:**

> Hi angels!! This is the first installment of mine into a small collection of Conan inspired song fics!! Enjoy!! :)

“At some point, you’re gonna get over this… this thing with Jan,” Heidi lectured from across the cafeteria table, tossing another tater tot into her mouth as she spoke. “I know you’re competitive Jackie, but damn, do you really hate her that much?” 

Ignoring the words coming from her friend, Jackie’s gaze lingered across the lunchroom. Her eyes were settled on the blonde at mention, who was beaming, and excitedly speaking about something to fellow cheerleader, Brita Filter, large mouth as loud and actively running as ever. She hated the nauseating feeling that settled into the pit of her stomach with every stolen glance, every quick dart of her eyes overtop of her laptop screen in English. 

Hatred was an understatement, Jacqueline Cox despised the perky little Italian girl with everything in her being. 

“No,” Jackie mumbled to herself. “Hate doesn’t even begin to describe what...what we have,” she muttered, words losing their bite as she looked downward at her salad. 

“𝙄 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝘿𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧.  
𝙈𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧.”

“Hi Jackie!”

The Persian girl jumped at the presence of a feminine voice addressing her from behind, the shock distracting her from the chills numbing her fingertips. The one morning Jackie hadn’t checked the weather proved to be the year's first snowfall, and all she had on was a light sweater to protect herself from the bitter cold. She turned, already annoyed when she realized who it was. “It’s Jacqueline, not Jackie. What do you want?” She grumbled, not in the mood for Jan’s antics. She had an hour of volunteering to do at her father’s dental office, alongside mountains of homework to complete, and was already angry at the entire world. Holiday break just couldn’t come quick enough, still there were two long weeks until school was released. 

The blonde frowned, clearly taken aback by the other girl’s aggression. “Nothing, I just wanted to say hi to you,” she shrugged, twisting her finger through her backpack strap. “Hey, do you want a ride? I know you usually walk but it’s really cold out,” Jan offered, smiling softly at her. 

Jackie swallowed, a feeling of tightness in her chest. “No thanks, I’m only like two streets over. And the walking gives me a little time to think,” she explained, secretly hoping she wasn’t coming off so harshly. 

Jan clenched her lower lip between her teeth, drawing Jackie’s attention to her mouth. Her lips were slightly overly-shiny, unsurprisingly, of course, taking the cheerleader’s lip gloss obsession into account. 

“Do you want me to walk with you?” She offered kindly. “I feel kind of bad leaving you out in the cold to walk home all by yoursel-“

Jackie turned, her frustration only increasing with every word that left her pink lips. “I’m fine, Jan. Leave me alone!”

The popular girl faltered, causing Jackie to realize the harshness of her words. The blonde looked scarily similar to that of a kicked puppy, sad, downcast eyes and a more intimidated demeanor. Guilt immediately bubbled in her stomach. Kneeling to unzip her backpack, she pulled a folded up sweatshirt out of her glittery cheer bag, cautiously handing it over to Jacqueline. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

In confusion, she gently unfolded the thick material, not understanding why she had been handed a purple-embroidered varsity crew neck. “Jan I don’t need-“

The blonde had already started walking away, turning around with a grin spread across her face. “I’ll grab it back from you in English Lit tomorrow,” she called out through cupped hands, laughing. “And even if I don’t, it looks better on you anyway!”

Jackie’s cheeks flushed red, but she blamed the pinkened tint of her skin on the bitter December wind. 

“𝐎𝐧 𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰  
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐈 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬“

“Take a picture, Cox. It’ll last longer,” Gigi crooned, the stick of her cherry lollipop hanging from the corner of her lips. 

Jackie rolled her eyes, redirecting her attention back to covering the gym ceiling in purple and white streamers. She had become distracted, watching as Jan clapped her hands, clearly giddy as she discussed something with Jaida Hall, basketball team captain and her biggest competition for Winter Fling Queen. Her hair fell in annoying perfect loose curls down her back, portions pinned back with a little claw clip. 

It was her eyes, an odd combination between hazel green and a warm, coppery brown. Her eyes sparkled, when she got excited. 

She stood atop one of those metal handi-men ladders, where Gigi Goode was standing below her, supposed to have been holding the ladder steady instead of teasing Jacqueline. “Whatever, don’t you have a meth-head to makeout with or something?”

The ginger snickered, rolling her eyes. “Make fun of my club-kid, Mary-Jane loving girlfriend all you want Jacqueline. If that’s the method of expression you choose to funnel all that internalized homophobia into because you’re scared of coming to terms with your lesbian love for Jan? Be my guest,” she offered smugly, smirking when she saw Jackie’s brown eyes had widened to the size of saucers. 

“I-I’m not-“

“Sure you aren’t, sweetheart,” she spoke, softening her voice a bit. “Even if you were, you should know that there’s nothing wrong with that, you know? And even if you don’t know, and think you’re straight, you sure do spend a lot of time looking at Jan. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to be a little nicer to her,” Gigi shrugged, pulling her phone out of her pocket to resume texting Crystal.

“𝐀𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐛𝐲  
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬”

“Ooooh, is that a love note?” Heidi crooned, peeking over her cell phone screen to see Jackie’s textbook. 

Confused, the dark haired girl’s brows furrowed,“Huh?”

With a quick glance downward, she noticed a tiny square of pale purple stationery paper folded between the pages, outside doodled with little hearts. Curiously, she gently unfolded the slip of paper. On the inside, in a bubbly scrawl, read, “Have a nice day beautiful!” The note had no signature, merely a small smiley face drawn in black ink pen. 

Heidi smirked, doing a little shoulder-shimmy in her seat. “Ooh! Jackie baby, you’ve got an admirer!” She gushed, immediately texting Widow a photo of the small message

The only thing loud and bright enough to pull her from her questions in regards to the mysterious paper, was Jan Mantione, who arrived into class on Brita’s back, the pair cracking up loudly. Scowling at the pair’s disruptive behavior, Jackie allowed herself to ball up the little paper inside her clenched fist. 

“𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲  
𝐒𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝  
𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐞”

Jackie let a hollow sob escape her, knees pulled tight to her chest as she cried into her pillow. All her life meant to her was a little letter on a piece of measly blue report card paper each semester. All her blood, sweat, tears. All the sleepless nights, and drinking acidic energy drinks, and the adderall, just for an 89 to ruin her fucking life. It had become a personal mantra, perfect isn’t perfect enough, is it?

She let out a shaken breath, opening Instagram in search for a distraction. The first image that popped up, a photo of Jan, was all it took for her to explode, throwing the device across the room, too upset to be relieved that the screen somehow hadn’t shattered. 

No matter how hard she tried, how many all nighters she pulled studying, or trying to push herself out of her shell to be more sociable, she’d never be good enough for Jan.

Sweet, pretty Jan. All fluffy waves of soft blonde hair, and cocoa colored eyes, and freckles dotting her squishy cheeks, and long, dark eyelashes. All cute little tennis skirts that seemed a little too short in Jackie’s eyes, not that she was looking. All glittery polished nails, and dainty jewelry, and hair ties on her wrist. All delicate in everything she did, all gentle smiles, all kinds of mesmerizing. 

“𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞?  
𝐈’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲“

Jacqueline pushed through the drunken crowd surrounding the entryway, stumbling out from the front door of Widow’s house. The Persian figured after spending all week pulling her hair out over scholarship applications and essays, she had earned the temporary release of getting black out drunk, and forgetting about her life for a while. 

Without much success, she filtered throughout the contents of her purse, only finding a handful of tampons, her debit card, and some breath mints, rather than her cellphone. “Damn it,” she grumbled, mentally preparing herself to walk back in and borrow Widow’s phone to call for an Uber. That or plead for her to drive her back to her house. 

Before she could make the choice, she became alert, hearing the shallow sobbing of a random stranger. “Hello?” She called out, curiosity overtaking her. “Who’s out here?”

Leaning against the side door of her little Volkswagen stood Jan, trails of inky black mascara dripping down her freckled cheeks. “G-go away, Jackie,” she sniffled, wiping at her running nose with the sleeve of her cardigan. 

Something in Jackie twisted inside, seeing Jan upset. 

“What’s going on?” Jackie questioned, concern flooding into her words. “Why are you sitting outside by yourself? It’s cold, and last time I checked, you’re a party girl,” Jackie teased, “So this is a little alarming to see.” 

Feeling like she owed it to the blonde, she pulled off her thick cardigan, tossing it into Jan’s hands. Something in her moved when Jan pulled it over her arms, snuggling into the material. 

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐲𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

A sad laugh escaped the blonde girl, her messy bun flopping over as she shook her head. “I got rejected from Juilliard, happy?” Her lower lip wobbled, more tears falling down her face. “I know you must be so excited to see me unhappy, so go ahead, Jacqueline,” she croaked, “Tell me that I’m an awful person, and that I’m a washed up idiot who peaked in highschool all you want, I already know that.”

Jackie winced slightly at her words, not used to hearing such harsh words coming from the peppy girl. “If you want me to sit here and listen to you throw yourself a pity party over a college with an eight percent acceptance rate, you’re not getting it. You’ve got enough irons in the fire to survive, you’ll get in somewhere else,” she spoke bluntly. 

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” the blonde spat, refusing to even look at Jackie. “You’re little miss perfect who’s perfect at everything,” she faltered, her voice much more quiet as she spoke. You’re going to get into your dream college, be some kind of surgeon or lawyer or something, you’re gonna get out of this town, Jacqueline,” Jan simpered, shrinking into herself as she sat on the pavement. Her fingers became infatuated with rubbing against the smooth surface of a rock. “I wish I was more like you.”

𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

Jackie threw her hands out in frustration, sitting across from the girl despite her growing anger. “Oh, you’re going to pull the perfect card on me? That’s rich coming from you,” she spat, too enraged to care that she was sitting on wet grass, that would most likely stain her jeans. 

𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝

“What are you talking about?” Jan spoke, her face confused, teary eyes enlocked with Jacqueline’s. Jackie immediately looked away from her, choosing to stare into the soul of the sky instead. Navy blue dotted with sparkling stars. 

𝐏𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐦 '𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈'𝐦 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫

“You, Jan,” Jackie stuttered, letting the words that had been building up inside tumble out of her mouth. All her frustration and anger and jealousy pouring out. “You’re-you’re beautiful, and smart, and everyone likes you, okay? Y-you’re a cheerleader for God’s sakes, and you’re as queer as a two dollar bill and nobody gives a fuck!” She yelled, voice echoing throughout the void. Crickets chirped and sang solemn evening songs as she paused, guilt already washing over her. “I wish I were you, because that’s as close to being with you as I’m gonna get,” she admitted, allowing her head to slump against the post of the mailbox above her head. Heavy breaths escaped her, and the pair fell further into a sense of quiet. 

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫? 𝐒𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥

“Jacqueline?” 

“What?” 

Jan leaned closer, gently cradling Jacqueline’s face in the palms of her hands as their lips collided. Jan tasted like candy, strawberry, and sweetness, and complete blissful feelings. She let their foreheads rest against one another, breath hot on her skin. “This...this feels like- you, feel like the closest to perfect I’m ever gonna get.”

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫  
𝐈’𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.


End file.
